League of Legends news » Pentakill Holds Drummer Auditions and Sale

Pentakillers!

We’ve just started auditions for the latest addition to the Pentakill lineup since our last drummer got crushed under a pile of amplifiers after a tragic explosion took down the stage last tour stop. Hey, what was his name again? Who gives a **** – he was a nihilist anyway.

They’re saying that the resulting riots tore down nearly a third of the city and resulted in at least 18 deaths. Feeders! Everything has an expiration date. Unfortunately, the town council is on our ass to pay the damages, and the lawyers are saying that the “embrace the inevitable” defense is looking shaky. I guess we can’t afford to cancel the tour, so it’s time to hold some emergency tryouts.

Unfortunately, Mordekaiser refuses to get out of bed and Karthus still hasn’t made bail, so it’s up to me to find the best replacement. Pass me that bottle of Jayce Daniels, because this @#$!’s about to get heavy. Alright, send them in, but any one of you @$#holes who can’t keep time is going on sale!

• Dark Crystal Ryze looks totally metal and rocks his own special effects. The dark horns and black spines look totally badass but he keeps shorting out the amp stack every time he hits a drum solo. If you’ve got insulated wiring you can take him for 487 RP.
• General Wukong keeps talking about how he wants creative control. You’re the drummer, dumb@#$. You just sit behind the band, you **** dirty ape! 487 RP to take this monkey off our backs.
• Buccaneer Tristana clearly thinks that this is a different kind of band. We’re Pentakill – the biggest death metal band to ever grace the Fields of Justice. I don’t care how much you want to shoot something, you can’t come on stage dressed like a pirate! Take this one back to the docks for 260 RP.

• You can’t play the drums if you’re already on keys, Sona. This isn’t one of those prissy pop bands, this is metal! There’s no double bass on your drum machine, no matter how many kits you’ve sampled. Take her back to your studio for 487 RP.
• Miss Fortune thinks she should be the front-woman just because she’s showing more skin. This audition is for drummer! Our front-man is so metal he doesn’t even have skin! Your band can hire her for 487 RP.
• This Olaf guy showed up completely smashed and keeps screaming about how he’s a Berserker. He’s already broken six drum kits and drank a full case of beer, and I haven’t even hit record, yet. That’s totally brutal! I’m going to make him play it again when he sobers up. For now, you can go get his stomach pumped for 487 RP.

Tryouts are open from the 17th until the 20th of August, so get here before I run out of booze. I’ll tell you one thing, this is the last time we hire Ziggs to rig our pyrotechnics.